Fairy Tale Mom
I Surrender

You know those days where nothing goes your way? Thing after thing after thing goes wrong and you can’t see the possibility of anything going right? I just lived that day.

I started by planning for this day 14 different ways, the variables kept changing. There were meetings to rearrange, much to the displeasure of my employer, appointments to manage, kids activities to squeeze in and an evening appointment at the gym to keep. I planned, changed plans, changed plans again and thought I had things all worked out.

Surprise! My mom came the night before to join us in our first activity of the day. Preparing for a visit from my mother requires time and work and cleaning. She’s a meticulous woman and doesn’t understand my, more laid back style. I had exactly 2 hours to prepare for her arrival at the exact same time that the Princess needed to be delivered to and picked up from dance lessons. Yikes.

I survived that event. We woke to attend to our day. We started the day taking my favorite boy in all of the land, my brother, to the hospital. He was to have his heart jolted back into rhythm (with the paddles) first thing. This was scary on so many levels. We weren’t sure the blood clot had dissolved yet; we didn’t know if the procedure would work. There was a tiny possibility that something could go wrong. And it’s his HEART! That’s cause for worry.

After successfully seeing that through to completion, with great results, I was off to a work meeting. This is an annual event to get a large group of people motivated toward common goals and reset standards for continuity. The meeting had three sections. In each section I felt more and more inadequate as I realized that I have work to do to catch up. My ego is now sufficiently bruised.

Or so I thought, at the first break I get a text from my girl asking “who’s picking me up from school?” SHIT! With all of the schedule adaptations I forgot that I was no longer available to pick her up. I phoned a friend. Not available. My mom? Already on her way back home. My brother? Resting, couldn’t reach hum. Finally, the pirate (my dad) can get there only a few minutes late. I’m clearly not winning parent of the year after this one.

Speaking of the pirate, he sends a text after dropping off the girl that the surgeon wants to further amputate his leg to above the knee. WHAT?

I’m still in this meeting. I’m overwhelmed with emotion and worry and my own inadequacy and I’m rapidly reaching my breaking point. I keep it together to the end of the meeting, I get to the car and literally throw my hand up and say, outbound, “I surrender”.

In that exact moment, I was looking to the sky, arms in the air, ready for tears when a calm washes over me. My next thought is to finish my sentence. “I surrender! it all to you God.” And, I prayed. Right there in the street, I found God had been waiting for me the whole time.

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